Jolene
In the middle of the night, I heard the muffled sounds of my family getting ready and at 3 am, I heard the door slam with a note of finality.
Jolene is leaving us again. She is strong, but anorexia was stronger this time. My parents are boarding another plane to take her back to the States and do another batch of paperwork and prayers hoping for government funding. And then leave her there again for as long as it takes.
I watched her pack her bags with the stoic silence that decended on her the moment she found she was returning to Avalon. What do you say to a person that would rather die than go back to a treatment centre for a disease she believes she will never beat? How can I reach her, show her I love her despretely?
The answer on her last night home, like always, was animals.
Jolene, Portor, Wilson, and myself
That picture was taken a while ago, but it sums up Jolene. I recently told her that I see a beautiful young woman emerging from her small body. One with passion, purpose, interests and abilities.
She told me she hopes she can use them and she is not crippled by anorexia forever.
I don’t often talk about her or anorexia, partly for privacy and mostly because it has just been a normalicy for almost a decade. But every once in a while, it will peek over the safe box of normal feelings that you build and remind you how much it does hurt to see a beloved family member suffer every single day of her life. And how angry you are at the disorder for robbing her of everything she deserves.
I am not asking for sympathy, but I am asking for prayers. I am not praying for anorexia to leave immediately, I am just praying for a miricle.
Thank you, my friends.
You can be sure I am praying for her and all of you, as always! I believe in miracles!!
Thank you, Deb. It means a lot.
I’m not sure what to say, but I did want to say that I am thinking about you all. <3
Thank you so much, Nancy. I appreciate it so much!
Beautiful testimony of love Jessica. Even if it is a different situation I can totally relate to the “how much it does hurt to see a beloved family member suffer every single day of her life. And how angry you are at the disorder for robbing her of everything she deserves.” I will pray for Jolene to find her way out of her disease and for you to find the words to inspire her through it.
Thank you so much, Amandine! I would love to get together and catch up this semester if you are able! Hope all is well! xx
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)
*praying, always…
Tou hae such an amazing talent of being able to put both your own and your families feeilings into words. thanks for doing that so beautifully once again my precious child.
That was beautiful, Jess … we are praying with you for miracle … it is big but God is so much bigger! One thing I’ve discovered in my reading over the time of Jesse’s diagnosis of CF is that many times in the Bible, BEFORE Jesus performs a miracle, He GAVE THANKS … thanks always preceeds the miracle! … He even gave thanks before the Last Supper knowing His death was coming soon! Gratitude is hard at times like this but it will change your heart like nothing else …. our girls love Jolene and miss her when she is away and we pray daily for her as a family!