Self Abuse, Eating Disorders and Why It Needs to Stop
“It’s hard to see severe and chronic in the same sentence. There HAS to be a stone we have not uncovered yet.”
This text was sent to me at the beginning of the week by my incredibly brave and extremely tired mother who was referencing a doctor’s report.
For those who follow my blog with some regularity, you will know that I have a severely anorexic sister who has struggled with the disease since she was nine.
I don’t speak about it often, but every once in a while, I think it is time to speak out again. (You can see a video series I created about this here).
This is one of those weeks.
My parents are in Boston at a think tank event, meeting with some of the world’s best neuroscientists at their request. They have given up their lives to study neuroplasticity and the idea of a little girl from a stable, loving environment who made a choice she didn’t know she was making, resulting in over a decade of mental illness and physical repercussions is exactly the sort of thing that they are eager to study.
I think the reason this is so profoundly affecting is because after over 10 years, it still doesn’t seem real. I still remember the initial meetings our family had when the word anorexia became a common noun in our household and believing it was like a cold. It would be gone soon, we just needed to try the right things. Words like chronic and severe and neuroplasticity don’t belong to the situation.
Ah. But they do. And just because something becomes normal, does not mean it is ok.
There is a lot of chatter in Canadian media these days about abuse to women and I wanted to put forward that perhaps the most incredible abuse that can be heaped on us is done by ourselves. I am not making light of any form of abuse, just saying that self-abuse is not discussed even half as often as it should be.
Take my beautiful sister as an example. For years, she has denied herself of food, comforts and pleasures to the point that she doesn’t know what she likes anymore and wouldn’t be able to allow herself to enjoy them, even if she did. She has a weakened heart, softened bones and takes more medication daily than most elderly people I know. It is hard for a person to do that to another person. It is easier to do that to yourself.
As athletes, we know loosely of what abuse means. We know what it is like to be out in the elements and pushing our bodies to the limits. But hopefully, we also know what recovery, refueling and rest means because there has to be that balance. When we push ourselves to limits and then deprive ourselves of necessities that we need or compare ourselves to others and punish ourselves for coming up short, this is where the true problem lies.
I have said often that I run long distances because it helps me become better at living.
- I need to move forward at a constant momentum, waiting for the pain to set in and feeling like it never will end to know how to mentally deal with things in my life where it feels like there is no finish line.
- I need to learn to push through incredible physical pain to understand how to push through incredible emotional pain.
- I need to reach a physical end to a long run to understand that there is always an end to things.
- I need to learn self-care following pushing myself to my physical limits to understand that it is important to be gentle of yourself in all areas of life.
My parents attending this event is a testament to their unspeakable hope, even though all signs point to the fact that there will be no resolution and that the words chronic and severe are our permanent reality. The fact is, there is a finish line to this and even if it isn’t the one we are hoping for, we keep pushing forward towards it, taking care of ourselves and each other.
God bless you and your beautiful family. You all are so strong and loving. Thank you for writing this, I know it may not have been easy.
Love you sweet friend.
Thank you for your incredible support, my dear!
I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through with your sister’s illness. I am a recovering anorexic and bulimic and let me give you some hope that your sister can come through it healthy. The biggest advice I can give you is that your sister absolutely needs to want treatment and health for herself. The reality is that she sounds like she comes from a loving family and is totally supported to get healthier but that it is not something she wants. If she doesn’t want it, you know what the consequences to that are, and that is her choice, as sad and frustrating and horrific as it may be to watch her wither to nothingness over decades. You need to take care of yourself and it sounds like you do. Speaking out about this and writing about it draws awareness to something that is so glorified in our society that the extreme is lauded far past anything physiologically or psychologically healthy and exacerbates and underlying mental illness. I’m so sorry for you. Hugs! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry to hear that you needed to go through something similar. Thank you for your support.
Oh Jess. My heart goes out to you and your incredible family. This cannot be easy for anyone and I just hope that you all continue to find the strength that you need to keep persevering.
xoxo
Thanks Christina. You are amazing.
Beautiful and well written post.
Inspiring post, Jessica! My heart truly breaks for you & your family! I so agree with your words on self-image… we women are so hard on ourselves… Thinking & praying for Jolene & you & your family…
-Kendra
Thanks Kendra.
Without out health, we have nothing, and I cherish this every moment of every day of my life. I went through what your sister is going through but luckily I had the strength to get through it. I wish your family and sister especially nothing but the best best best!
I am so happy to hear that you have overcome anorexia. Way to stay strong and be an inspiration to others!
amazing post- really powerful perspective. thanks for sharing!
Your posts on this topic always hurt my heart so much. This is such a complicated mental illness, and I can only imagine how difficult it has been for your family. I wish there was something more I could do, but know that I am sending healing, light, and love. And I hope that there will come a day where your whole family feels some peace
I always say, there are people in my life who GET it, not because they have been there, per say, but they have been through hard times and understand what it is like to live with a chronic issue that isn’t promised to be resolved. You are one of those people. Thanks for your support, my dear. 🙂
This post gave me shivers, Jess. I only know what living with an anorexic is like through the stories you’ve shared about your sister, and hearing about it makes me even further admire your family for being so strong, persevering, and continuing to do nothing but the very best they can for Jolene. I hope that your parents’ visit to Boston is a beneficial one, if not for Jolene specifically then for others struggling with the same illness. Sending lots of hugs your way and thank you for the self care reminder. I think it’s one everyone could benefit from hearing more often.
You are such a dear. Thank you. xo
I’m sitting at my desk crying right now. My heart aches for you, your family and your sister. This is such a beautifully written post and a great reminder that self love is so important! Sending you BIG HUGS.
Thank you so much, my dear. Your support means the world! xo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4roNyMt_AXE&sns=fb I thought of your family when I saw this video. Keep on!
I was in treatment with your sweet sister in Utah. I appreciate you giving updates on Jolene. She made an impact on me & I appreciate all the research your family participates in.